between the teeth

For about three years now my husband and I (to varying levels of success) have been working on something. We go through stages of letting it slip, and stages of being pretty on top of it. But we are both convinced that it's worth the effort to attempt to control it.

It's that innocent looking pink thing between our teeth. That slippery weapon. The one that can just as easily get us into sticky situations as it can lift the atmosphere in the room and let some laughter in.

The tongue. And I don't mean swearing (although we could probably do with controlling that a bit more--at least I could anyway), but the tenor of the words that we speak. In any given situation do I use my tongue to make things better? Or to make them worse.

I read about this dart throwing experiment recently, where the people in one group were made to speak out negative statements about their abilities before they threw the darts, and the other to speak positive words. It probably doesn't come as a surprise to hear that the upbeat group scored higher.

I also read about studies where positive words were shown to increase confidence, performance and health in individuals. Children included.

Words make a difference.

I have noticed how grumbling can turn molehills into mountains. When I complain about something I can so easily begin to stew about it. And let it build upon itself. And then I can get into this negative frame of mind where bad things happen to me more frequently. They just do. And I notice each additional little bad thing and soon...everything sucks. (In that pessimistic and irritating 'grumpy bum' kind of way.)

And then I have noticed times when I have chosen to 'let it go'. Look for the good. Speak hopefully instead of pessimistically. Choose to think about and talk about the things that I am grateful for. And there are always many. And yes, when I head in this direction the world is sunnier. As cliched as that sounds, it just is.

Words are so powerful. I know of numerous people who were told as children (or heard it spoken about them) that they were shy. Consequently they became so cripplingly shy that it took years, in each case, to break out of the rut.

I want to be so careful what I say about my kids. I find myself, too often, labelling my children based on my frustrations with their behaviour. Loud. Explosive. Full on. I read somewhere (Ian & Mary Grant's Growing Great Girls I think) that children don't strive to better themselves, they strive to prove themselves. Or to prove what has been said about them. As in, if they are told that they are 'naughty', for example, they won't try to be good, but try to prove that they are, in fact, naughty.

I personally believe that there is value in speaking things that aren't as though they are. For example, I know that my daughter is compassionate. I have seen her display the most adorable compassion. And I have seen her display the complete opposite. Many times.

I can also 'see' in my mind's eye, her growing to become a beautifully compassionate woman...

So when I find myself repeating all too often "don't be rough", "stop taking things off your brother", "that's very rude", "stop hurting William" I find her fulfilling those very statements more and more, and I am getting better at reminding myself to tell Sophia that she IS a gentle girl. And a compassionate girl. Which she absolutely is. I just need to say it more. Because--surprise surprise--when I say it more she acts it more.

I need to let her OVERHEAR me telling others (telling my friends) how compassionate she is. How loving she is. How kind she is to her little bro. I need to speak over her what isn't (fully) as though it is. Because when I use my little pink weapon in this way I just know that it is powerful.

Call it positive self talk if you will. I believe in it and there are many studies and books that will back me up on that count. But I personally believe that there is more to it than that. As the proverb goes: life and death are in the power of the tongue.

And if that is true, which I believe it is, I want to be careful what I do with this little tongue of mine.

No, more than that, I want to use this tongue to create life. And to, as much as I can, make good out of (or in spite of) the hard stuff and the crappy stuff.


Any thoughts on the topic? I have been dwelling on it so much recently...



:)

x

change and moments and paper cranes

It is a time of change and of moving in to new things. I can feel it in that soft mixture of cool and warm in the air that promises the transition to summer. I can feel it in the way this baby shifts and nudges closer and closer. Any day he'll bring his little life into our world, transforming it to something different yet extraordinary in a new way. I can feel it in the quiet sadness brought on by the passing of a dear family friend yesterday. That still, yet slightly unsettled feeling where the day seems calmer, the birds louder and the breeze softer. I remember this sensation from before, when my grandmother passed, that we're not the only ones who know but the world around us has stilled itself a little. I can sense change all around me. Things passing and coming. Excitement and sadness and anticipation and peace all folded together.

And I know it more strongly than ever: the new things that are coming are good.

So on a different yet related note, I was seized yesterday by the sudden desire to ready myself for this baby just a little bit more. Other than clothing and a place to sleep and the basic newborn essentials I haven't made much else ready for him. We're in this house temporarily, hoping to buy and move in the summer, so he doesn't have a room. He'll be sleeping beside our bed and I have commandeered the space at the bottom of the stairs for his change table. Yesterday, however, I nested for him just a little more. And I made the bottom of the stairs his.









There is a fantastic guide to making paper cranes here. The first took a little time, but by the forth or fifth I was on a roll and each crane took five minutes to fold with no need for instructions (read the post and click on the link to the pdf instructions). I love the cupcake idea and the streams of hanging garlands.

I folded my cranes and used white embroidery thread and white tacks to hold it all together. The cranes have a little hole in the bottom that is ideal for the entry of a needle and thread. The embroidery thread was thick so one little knot at the bottom was enough to secure the crane.

That done I feel more ready for him than ever. I hope that my next post will usher him in...

This weekend we had a few little family moments. You know the sort that sneak up on you--you think you're running errands and doing the usual and suddenly realize you're in a memory making moment. We had been out in the car to tick a few jobs off the list. The day was warm and still and stunning. And we were hungry. Sausalito, I thought. I hadn't been there since a lunch with my S.I.L. three years ago while we were both expecting our first babies. A little cafe next to the Bridgeway Cinema in Northcote Point. Yummy caramelized onion pizza. So we went and lounged at the back of the resturant, ate a delicious lunch and headed off for a drive around Northcote Point and Birkenhead (which is beautiful on a summery day) then headed out to Cheltenham beach just because.

It was somewhere just before or around this point that we realized this little family outing may be the last one we have as a team of three. We are so excited about the next, the new and the many 'firsts' to come, but we sure did hold on tight to this 'last' so that it couldn't slip before we'd protected it a little.

(My husband took over the camera for the gull and plane shots. Love him!)

Sophia is having some Grandma time at the moment which gives me a chance to rest and write a little. She's had a bit of a fever and a cold this week. Bless her.

And I'll have to say Playmobile has been an absolute winner! Her Grandma and Opa bought her this for when her baby brother is born, but, we were a bit naughty and cranked it anyway cause we just really needed to. All I can say is LOVE. Playmobile is a new passion.

Thanks Grandma and Opa!

That's about all for now. Will end with a little sandpit montage of Sophia and her best bud. These two are indescribably cute together now, with their little girly giggles and squeals and arguments and chatter. :)

S'all for now. As I said before, the next time I check in I hope to hope to be announcing something...

x

these lyrics have been running through my head today...

just one look on your face




just one glance of your eyes




and my whole world is changed




my whole world is changed




So good.

X

soul food

So, yesterday morning after hoping for a father's day breakfast with daddy that couldn't happen in the end, Sophia and I got in the car and drove north. The thought of another day at home, just the two of us (after a week of no Daddy), was a bit much. We chose instead to make the most of our day: grabbed a few bottles of water, an extra cardie and a camera, jumped in the car, blasted music out of our speakers, and drove.

I just love how Sophia will sing as loudly as I will. She knows all the words to what she calls her favourite 'white-car songs'. Words could never say the way he says my name he calls me lovely. Can't hold my love back from you, can't hold my love back from you, i've gotta sing i've gotta sing, sing my love. It was father's day and we were definitely still feeling the Daddy love and our disappointment was quickly being replaced by that bubbling happiness that lines like this bring: you would not believe the way he touches me he burns right through me. And this: there is a love that is as strong as death. Not the tragic Romeo and Juliet kind, but the utterly exquisite euphoria inducing kind. I forgot how much I love long trips singing in the car.

Destination Omaha. One of our places. We hadn't been since Easter and we'd been missing it.




























Sophia got her fix of that beloved Maori statue of hers (affectionately known as blue statue), and we both got our fix of fresh air and exercise in the form of meanders down the beach and along the paths...

















...and a bit of soccer with Uncle Jono.






























Ah...the delight!











After a number of refreshing Omaha hours, a long drive back home in the dark and a warm bath, Daddy called to say he'd finished for the day. So, Sophia in pjs and all, we hopped in the car and drove off to have that father's day quality time we'd been so excited about. It might not have been breakfast but it was just as fun. Possibly even more.

Sure, it was well past her bedtime, but sometimes routine is nowhere near as important as soul food. In this case: icecream after dark with that man we'd been missing.














































There it was again, that little family value that keeps popping up to see what we'll do with it: life's what you make of it. One of many mottos under constant practice in our home--and I think we're getting better at it. :)

x

why I blog

It's nearly six months since I began this blog and in that time it has evolved into something quite different from my initial intentions (I'm going to have to change my blurb soon). My experimental blog on books didn't last. Books are a part, but not the largest part. As I have begun to share creative projects and day-to-day events, post links to inspiring sites and shops, experiment with cooking, sewing, photography, etc, I have found that my ever-evolving blog has become a way of both containing myself and enjoying myself. It is a strange thing--so personal and so public at the same time. Being a relatively private person by nature it has occasionally made me nervous. I have found myself wanting to write, beginning to write and deleting what I have written on a number of occasions.

Yet, recently I have been thinking that I'm just going to continue to embrace it. To post for no reason other than because I love it. Because it makes me happy. Because, when I read over previous blog entries and other peoples' blog entries, I am inspired to be more thoughtful, more positive, more creative, more loving, more vibrant and inspiring. Blogging reminds me, regularly, to love life. It reminds me to see, prize and protect those small moments at home with Sophia--the day-to-day stuff--in the way that I really want to. It reminds me to not let the months roll by only to look back and see that I've missed them.

I love comments and followers (thankyou so much to those who do) and get super excited when I see that international readers have spent a bit of time here. I am definitely a 'words of encouragement' sort. Those things give me such a boost, but they're not why I do it. I am not doing this for praise or to present a certain image. I am doing it because, at the moment, this little blog is something that makes me excited. I think Howard Thurman summed it up well:

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive.
And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

I love getting ideas through blogs. Being energized by other people. Learning more about what makes them excited or what inspires them to be creative. I have begun to imagine that I live in a world where we all feel free to share and be who we are without trying to fit some image or meet some measure, and without the fear of contempt. It may seem delusional--the world is full of sneers and scoffs and (in NZ) that tall poppy thing--but we can all choose not to fear it and even not to feel it. Bring that on, I say. Blog, I say.

This is a great entry by Kelle Hampton (my friend Emma and I are a little obsessed--yes, we may have chosen to read through three year old posts, and yes, we may have started from the beginning). I love this quote: by painting the sky, van gogh was really able to see it and adore it better than if he had just looked at it. I feel the same way as Kelle. That's really what blogging is for me. A way to 'love it more' and to 'delve for that beauty that would otherwise go unnoticed'.

So here's a little of this weekend's beauty. I am loving experimenting with photography. One day I am going to save my pennies and get a nice camera.



One of my absolute favourite things: little stripey legs.

Another favourite: brisk beachy mornings.

One of Sophia's favourite things: homemade beaches. That's what dustpans and shovels are for right?

This is that delicious golden light that falls at around five o'clock.

What is a rainy day without the baking (and eating) of cupcakes? Or eating the icing off the top at least.

Or a trip to Borders in full fairy costume?

The following photos are so Sophia. She loves cars. Of course she will find the one book with a pop out yellow taxi in it to drive around the children's section for half an hour.

And on one of those rainy evenings when we hadn't much else to do, we took off to the top of Cliff Road and discovered the statues. Sophia is, for some singular reason, also in love with Maori statues. She talks about and draws pictures of the ones we walk past at Omaha. Little did we know that Cliff Road is home to three statues! And all within hugging distance (yes, there were many kisses too). Sheer delight.

Well, that's all for now. Lots of love and happy blogging! (And, if you're tempted to start, I say just do it!)

x

P.s. I'll close with this: the look that the sight of Daddy arriving at the playground brings to a little face.