between the teeth

For about three years now my husband and I (to varying levels of success) have been working on something. We go through stages of letting it slip, and stages of being pretty on top of it. But we are both convinced that it's worth the effort to attempt to control it.

It's that innocent looking pink thing between our teeth. That slippery weapon. The one that can just as easily get us into sticky situations as it can lift the atmosphere in the room and let some laughter in.

The tongue. And I don't mean swearing (although we could probably do with controlling that a bit more--at least I could anyway), but the tenor of the words that we speak. In any given situation do I use my tongue to make things better? Or to make them worse.

I read about this dart throwing experiment recently, where the people in one group were made to speak out negative statements about their abilities before they threw the darts, and the other to speak positive words. It probably doesn't come as a surprise to hear that the upbeat group scored higher.

I also read about studies where positive words were shown to increase confidence, performance and health in individuals. Children included.

Words make a difference.

I have noticed how grumbling can turn molehills into mountains. When I complain about something I can so easily begin to stew about it. And let it build upon itself. And then I can get into this negative frame of mind where bad things happen to me more frequently. They just do. And I notice each additional little bad thing and soon...everything sucks. (In that pessimistic and irritating 'grumpy bum' kind of way.)

And then I have noticed times when I have chosen to 'let it go'. Look for the good. Speak hopefully instead of pessimistically. Choose to think about and talk about the things that I am grateful for. And there are always many. And yes, when I head in this direction the world is sunnier. As cliched as that sounds, it just is.

Words are so powerful. I know of numerous people who were told as children (or heard it spoken about them) that they were shy. Consequently they became so cripplingly shy that it took years, in each case, to break out of the rut.

I want to be so careful what I say about my kids. I find myself, too often, labelling my children based on my frustrations with their behaviour. Loud. Explosive. Full on. I read somewhere (Ian & Mary Grant's Growing Great Girls I think) that children don't strive to better themselves, they strive to prove themselves. Or to prove what has been said about them. As in, if they are told that they are 'naughty', for example, they won't try to be good, but try to prove that they are, in fact, naughty.

I personally believe that there is value in speaking things that aren't as though they are. For example, I know that my daughter is compassionate. I have seen her display the most adorable compassion. And I have seen her display the complete opposite. Many times.

I can also 'see' in my mind's eye, her growing to become a beautifully compassionate woman...

So when I find myself repeating all too often "don't be rough", "stop taking things off your brother", "that's very rude", "stop hurting William" I find her fulfilling those very statements more and more, and I am getting better at reminding myself to tell Sophia that she IS a gentle girl. And a compassionate girl. Which she absolutely is. I just need to say it more. Because--surprise surprise--when I say it more she acts it more.

I need to let her OVERHEAR me telling others (telling my friends) how compassionate she is. How loving she is. How kind she is to her little bro. I need to speak over her what isn't (fully) as though it is. Because when I use my little pink weapon in this way I just know that it is powerful.

Call it positive self talk if you will. I believe in it and there are many studies and books that will back me up on that count. But I personally believe that there is more to it than that. As the proverb goes: life and death are in the power of the tongue.

And if that is true, which I believe it is, I want to be careful what I do with this little tongue of mine.

No, more than that, I want to use this tongue to create life. And to, as much as I can, make good out of (or in spite of) the hard stuff and the crappy stuff.


Any thoughts on the topic? I have been dwelling on it so much recently...



:)

x

black and white and a thought

Day 29: Black & White.

And a thought. I stumbled upon this print here. It was not the design that caught my attention, but the quote.

Kindness. It is not over rated.

We can't judge by appearances who is in need of it most, we really can't. So let's just pour it out on everyone.

Whaddaya reckon?

Love you all!

:)

x

Back tomorrow with the FINAL photo!!! And, hopefully, a book review. :)

calves (big ones) and the confessions of a naive city girl

Photography Challenge, Day 24 of 30: 'Animal'.

Is it just me or does this calf have a crazy look in its eye?

I know they're the lunch, but they were making me a little nervous.

Normally when we pass the cows on this paddock they back away as we walk. We try to inch closer to them. Today the herd consisted mostly of curious little big calves who don't know the rules yet.

They were walking over and checking us out. They had us cornered in three directions at one point. (There is no zoom on this lens.)

Has anyone ever been mauled by a calf? This thought may have popped into my head as I stood a little taller and shuffled a little further in front of my babies. Anyone from the country is probably laughing. Debs, I imagine you are rolling your eyes at me right now. ;)

I was very cool and collected. If I was a little more used to cows I would have let Sophia pet them. (She was begging me.) But they started scraping the dirt with their back feet like bulls do and it was making me unsure.

Eventually they got bored of us and walked away. No food here sorry girls!

Do any of you know much about cows? I know it sounds completely naive but...has anyone ever been bitten by one? What was with that dust scraping action? I'm just curious because next time I'll let them come even closer if I know it's safe. Sophia was in heaven.

You see, as much as I wish I lived in the country I really am just a curious city girl.

I secretly wish I was a horse whisperer. Or an animal whisperer of any kind. (The larger the beast the cooler.) I wish I was the one who could read the animal's mind and put everyone else at ease.

I used to pretend I owned horses and had pet lion cubs as a girl and a part of me (the little girl part that has never left) still wishes I did. :)

Sophia adores animals and is completely confident around them, which thrills me. There is a paddock right next to our local coffee shop and we often stop to pet the horses. One of the best parts of Sophia's day. I like to hang back and let her go for it. She runs off and climbs up on the fence and giggles when the horse lets her pat its nose. She is very gentle.

In the back of my mind I know that horses can bite. The mum next to me held her children back. Is this what I should be doing also? Is patting a horse too much of a risk for my girl? We've chatted with the owners and they were pretty confident that their horses are safe. But it is a risk, right?

It's that tension between wanting to keep your kids safe and wanting to let them experience life. I have been thinking regularly of this post by the lovely Simone from GreatFun4Kids. A brilliant post about allowing your kids some good old fashioned freedom in this world of cotton wool anxiety and controlled activities. I guess what I am saying is that I have weighed the risks and I choose to let my daughter experience the thrill of this simple thing--going up and petting the horse by herself--because I think that what this gentle risk is doing for her character outweighs the possible danger. Something about that feels right to me.

I just want to continually be wise enough to judge when to allow my kids more freedom and when to gently loosen off the reigns (in spite of measured risk). I want to eventually be able to teach her to weigh up her own risks and make the right choices by herself after all. Don't I?

So maybe next time we'll pat the cows. Baby steps, baby steps. (I'll just wait for your instruction on bovine antics first.) ;)

Back tomorrow with 'something pink'.

Happy Friday all!

:)

x

a bad habit and the INFJ

Photography Challenge, Day 8 of 30: A Bad Habit.

No lightning bolts or eureka moments but I managed to avoid the nose pickers! :) Bad habit: the consumption of said cupcakes. I do make a lot of these babies. Which inevitably means that I eat far too many. I am relieved to be able to inform you, however, that the number of wrappers displayed in this photo equals the number of cupcakes consumed by multiple adults today. I am not that much of a pie. Although I could probably be if pressed. :)

Other bad habits of mine that I could have photographed are: tearing my nails, leaving food in the fridge well after it's 'use by' date, serious lollie consumption or the size of my laundry piles before I finally do something about them. To name only a few. And since I am being open and honest about my flaws why don't I give you a bit more of an insight into me. (I feel a roll coming on after all.)

I am an INFJ. To a tee. I have never been one for personality tests in the past. I would always come out smack bang in the middle of everything, or a little bit of all the types. That is, until I did an authentic Myers Briggs test at a leadership course (not the internet test but the proper one that you have to pay for. Sorry.) Reading this profile almost makes me cry, it is so very me. But even MORE ME is the authentic profile I have attached in images at the bottom of this post.

Here are some of the things that this type test tells me about myself (that I already knew but that make me feel 'normal' to see written in a profile):

• I can happily alternate between (and live with) both extreme mess and extreme tidiness.

• I am often mistaken for an extrovert when really I am, most definitely, an introvert.

• I am always right. (But I knew that already.) ;)

• I have always found it easier to communicate through words on a page than words in the air.

• I often don't know how I know something, I just know. I make intuitive leaps across logic and land at the same place as the linear thinker but via a different route. The best way I can think to explain it is that I think in a 'sphere' as opposed to a 'straight line'. Which makes it a challenge to verbalise what I am thinking at any given moment (the polar opposite of my linear thinking husband).

• I feel things very deeply. I feel poems. Songs make me cry. Books make me cry. Lots of things make me cry. When I am excited I literally feel like I am going to burst with the sensation. (And often need to run or dance it out.)

• I am extreme. I call it the 'Anne of Green Gables Syndrome'. Any of you Anne lovers out there will know what that means--in raptures one minute and in the depths of despair the next. My daughter is most definitely inflicted too. :)

• Only those who are close to me ever see these extreme emotions surface. When I am with strangers or people I don't know well (or are guarded from) they are generally always internal. The poker face remains but inside I am flipping out!

• I am an incredibly private person which makes it a little ironic to be posting like this. But since I find it so difficult to explain myself verbally, and hardly ever do, it feels good to use this non-verbal space as an outlet.

• I am shocking at spelling. I couldn't function without a spell check. So, who cares, I have spell check. ;)

• I can't tell my left from my right. Well, I can but it doesn't come naturally, I need to stop and think every time. When my husband asks me to show him the way I generally always just point. Much easier and saves the hassle of saying 'left' when I meant 'right' and needing to pull a u-turn.

• Did I mention that I am extreme? When I have a hobby I don't just have a hobby I have a LIFE'S PASSION which becomes nearly all I can think about (hence photography at the moment). This ultra enthusiasm will generally wane given time (and the introduction of new 'hobbies'). Balance is something I am continually working at.

• I thrive on creativity. I always have. I am an english major, and in another world (or maybe even in the future), a perpetual student. I'm obsessed with reading and writing and all things Englishly. (Also obsessed with creating my own new words.) :) I have a diploma in graphic design. I am a jack of all creative trades, master of none. (I wish I was a master of one, I just wouldn't be able to choose which!) I trained to be a primary school teacher at 17 because I wanted to make a career out of teaching kids art and reading them books. Unfortunately I had to teach them maths too so it didn't last long. :)

• I am in some ways a perfectionist and in other ways not. I.e. I got one B+ at university and cried (more than cried actually--I am still not over it). And, at the moment, one bad photo can ruin an otherwise perfectly fine evening. YET I am not a details person in the slightest--I hate following patterns and reading manuals, I am an ardent trial and error type and am usually happy with shabby construction so long as the end product looks good. Another example of this is the fact that I am a grammar nazi when writing an essay, yet when using social media I choose to blitz out on exclamation marks, made up words, and sentences that begin with 'and' because I am not writing an essay. One thing that I adored about the creative writing papers I took at university was the freedom to structure sentences in any way that pleased me so long as I was intentional about it. I bring that to the blog baby!

• I am difficult to get to know (and to understand) and I hate being 'put in a box' EXCEPT when that box is right. Then I feel OVER THE MOON to A) be understood and B) have a box I can show people to explain myself. Hence my loathing of personality tests pre the discovery of the INFJ. :)

• I get feelings about people and situations. I go with them and they usually turn out to be grounded in reality and not just feelings.

• I am as stubborn as an Ox. I will say yes to your face but I will mean a flat out NO! Family trait. Couldn't help it. ;) The reason I will say yes to begin with is because I have the strongest aversion to conflict E V E R. Saying no to your face is practically impossible for me. Reconciling the 'yes' that I have said with the 'no' that I have meant can prove a bit of a challenge. Sigh. Again, working on it. :)

• Unbearable feeling: being misunderstood.

• Makes me angry: feeling controlled or manipulated. Seeing others be controlled or manipulated.

• Elation: when I feel seen. (And international travel.) :) Oh, and my husband sees me better than anybody which also makes me very lucky and grateful!

And for some non-INFJ points, just 'me' points:

• My worst irrational aversion: listening to or watching someone brush their teeth. Even the thought of it makes me shiver.

• My worst irrational fear: ocean liners. Or rather, the thought of being on them in the middle of a seemingly endless icy black sea. (One that is also home to large scary creatures.)

• Favourite forms of comfort: lattes in take away cups. DVDs or good books while lying along side my husband. Chocolate. Snuggling under a duvet (or in front of a fire) on a rainy day. Walks in the wind.

• Favourite things: too many to list, but I am beginning to build a catalogue here.

Phew, if you made it this far then thankyou for listening! I would love to know if any of you relate. Or if you are also an INFJ. Or if there is a profile type that speaks to you. OR for any reason really. I just LOVE feedback. [Note: see an awesome post here on commenting. We bloggers thrive on it. And you don't need to be a member of blogger to comment!]

Here is the official profile in case what I wrote spoke to any of you. If you click on the page you should get the full-sized file.

Oh, and I'll be back tomorrow with: 'Someone You Love'.

:)

x

my buoy and my boy and a wintry week

[Warning: contains overtly spiritual content.]

Today, in the midst of a foggy, messy, mucky week, I found my buoy. Or, my buoy found me. He/she/it bubbled in and up and over and cleared the fog and warmed the room. Simple and deliciously real...

It's his presence. It is delectable. And I am in love.

Without it...

Without it there's no meaning.

And without it...

Without it I'm not living.

~Amanda Falk

Mmm... Sorry if that's too much for you but it needs to be said. He snuck up on me and, just for fun, wrung my sogginess out to dry! So I can't help it. I do love him so.

As for my boy. Also delicious. I have nothing to say, just some pictures to share:

And as for that fog, I took a shot of it from out Sophia's bedroom window.

The midday sun in her room is beautiful.

That's all I've got for now. Hope you have also made it through the fog and the sog this week!


:)


x



p.s. The song that brought my buoy to me today: