Someone found his sister's butterfly stickers.
These pics are more for the photo album--memories captured--than anything. I had a plan for the 'hands' shot and then I found Will with Sophia's stickers all over him and siezed the moment. I am glad I did. Love these shots.
Love this boy.
He is delicious. Plain and simple.
A week or so ago, whilst cuddling this bundle, I found myself feeling unusually clucky. The desire to start trying for more children nearly overwhelmed me. These feelings were as confusing as they were strong. I know that I am not ready for another little one any time soon. I hugely admire those who have a lot of children close together (or just a lot of children) I really do, but I suspect that they might be of a different breed to the likes of me. If I am to have any more children--if--I need space between them at least.
I just seriously doubt my ability to be the best mother I can be, the mother I want to be, with the added demands of an extra little one. To be honest, my head has really only just come up above water in the last few months after having my second and he is now eight months old.
I love the idea of a big bustling kind of family, in many ways, but I think we might all be better suited to the little kind of family. At least for now anyway. So what were these feelings about? This overwhelming desire to have more babies so that I can cuddle them and smile at their chuckles and run my lips over the soft downy hair on the back of their little heads?
It soon dawned on me that I had possibly misdiagnosed this feeling. I don't think it was actually 'the cluckies'. You know that feeling that used to come before. That unsatisfied craving in the pit of my stomach that I knew only little people of my own would satiate. Well this deep pang, so similar that I initially mistook it, was something else altogether...
It was, I believe, a feeling of overwhelming, stomach twisting love for this little man. For his sweet chubby cheeks and his dimpled smiles and his chuckling delight at seeing me and having me talk to him. (Seriously, he's that kind of baby, he goes looking for things to delight in and laugh at.)
On a side note: do you like the super long pj pants? I have this tendency to buy clothes 100 sizes too big because they last longer. The children then swim in them for a year and once they finally fit they are practically worn out. Self defeating? Probably. I just can't face the thought of new clothes being outgrown in a couple of months. So my children are well used to rocking the baggy look. :)
Gosh, they are ridiculously long pants aren't they...
Where was I? Oh yeah, I just realised that instead of continuing to wish for other things that I don't have (like in this case, another baby) what I really needed to do was devote myself to cherishing and soaking up the goodness of this little baby. I wasn't feeling clucky, I was feeling some sort of overwhelming baby smitten-ness. My baby smitten-ness. Of the 'I don't ever want you to grow up' kind.
And I still feel it. Every day. And when I do I take photos and I kiss him and cuddle him and soak him up. Because right in this moment he will always be 8 months old.
And I am going to do my darnedest to make this moment last.
Can any of you relate to the mistaken cluckies? Do any of you also feel the need to space your children out or keep your family size small and cozy? Or is it just me? Bad mummy, you should never have admitted that.
;)
x
p.s back tomorrow with 'sunflare'. Let's hope it's a sunflarie kind of day...
how is he EIGHT months old???!!! woah...
ReplyDeleteand i don't think that was mistaken, i reckon those were legit cluckies! happens to me when the babe is around 7 months too. everytime.
catches me off guard everytime too :)
X
Love those little stickered hands! I can totally relate to the 'cluckies'. I get them pretty regularly lately as I just love the age that little M is right now (21 months). But we've always said we would be a 2-child family. And the life we have chosen to lead lends itself far better to a smaller family. I regularly have inner conversations with myself on this topic...but I think you have hit the nail on the head...it's just as much the aching love I feel for these little people that makes me feel as if it could be the 'cluckies'. Great post dear Dee xx
ReplyDeleteOh yes - I have cluckies regularly when I cuddle our little one... she is just overwhelmingly CUTE!!! And up until now there has been no way I was ready for the second one to make an appearance ;-)!
ReplyDeleteLove this post babe!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh I am cluckie over your little man too - he really is yoo delish for words!!!! And the pic of his little hand - LOVE IT!!!! Want to hug it!!!!
ReplyDeleteSuch an edible wee man, my darling nephew. Love the long trews, too! Aside from the occasional "ooh, I want to snuggle that, please!!" at someone's new baby (you know how all over Will I was at the last visit!!) I am completely and wholly satisfied with the one delicious of my own, though, so the spacing thing doesn't apply - unless we get more fish..which is always tempting! ;) loves x
ReplyDeletehehe yoo delish???
ReplyDeleteI have no idea about a possible number three. Although at this current second I feel a bit baby mad. Better go and get my dream feed snuggles! If it does happen again I'm quite happy with around a 3 year age gap!
No clucking around here thankgoodness! Though I have had a strong hankering for a puppy this year......never before been into dogs hmmmm
ReplyDeleteWhen I had my last I knew it was the end of baby days. I crawled into bed during a night feed and wailed that I can't do this anymore! Haha
After my second I knew I wanted more. Husband was happy with 2 but for me I fully grieved for a baby, it was beyond cluckiness.
We were wanting to space ours out too but SURPRISES happen...! And thus, there are now three! ;)
ReplyDeleteWouldn't have it any other way though - he's such an incredibly precious gift for us, a wonderful addition to our family.
But I wonder, do you ever get over feeling clucky?? Especially when they turn out so CUTE?!...
I love it though that you are LOVING upon your 8 month old and doing your best to soak up this space in time. Enjoy it. X
Nawww, what sweet chubby little hands! So cute with the stickers on them. I've been feeling mighty clucky as well...but I think two is my limit at the moment.
ReplyDeleteHe is totally delicious. Possibly even more so because he is a boy and I only have girls - so the cluckiness just steps up a knotch. My girls are 22 months apart and we've already past that 'window' now so even IF we did have another there will be a larger gap. When they turn 1 I always have a clucky patch (hence the 22 month gap), though I'm actually feeling quite happy with just two right now (they're SUPER hard work at the stages they're both at), so we'll see - maybe it'll pass and we'll just be a two-child family? Or maybe they'll get a bit bigger then I'll NEED a bubba again? Hmmmmm....
ReplyDeleteToo too beautiful.
ReplyDeleteYou just made me clucky.
But ts way too late for me - measures have been taken. PERMANENT measures.
Three is my lot, and like you, I needed a bigger space between bubbas.
The first two were CLOSE (20 months) and it was busy. I got a boy and a girl and i said, that's me I'm done.
But then years later... cluck cluck cluck.
So Scrag is nearly four years younger than Miss fab.. and its perfect.
I have been able to enjoy him so much, and so has everyone else. I couldn't have coped with three close together, because that's just me. I don't cope with too much chaos and noise.
So... yeah, enjoy loving on your delicious baby. he is just so yummy and those butterfly hands!!! lovely.
x
Love these pics Dee... I dont have any children yet, but if/when I do, I think Id like a 3+ year age gap so the first one can look after the second! hehe. Oh, and Id buy them giant clothes to save money...
ReplyDeleteOh, these photographs are so, so adorable! What a very special moment you enjoyed and captured so beautifully.
ReplyDeleteMy first two children have a two and a half year gap... for a while I thought that was it - but there was a yearning, a niggle, it wouldn't go away. As my two children grew, played together, laughed around the kitchen table at meal time, I began to think, more and more, there was room for another little voice. But I had to wait... wait for my husband and I to be ready and my first two children to be ready...
we waited. Four year's after my second child was born, our third child was welcomed with happy, loving arms into our family. Her little soul was so meant to be a part of our family and destined to us, I am certain.
The gap has worked out fabulously (she's now 18 months old). I don't have the 'clucky' feeling anymore. It's gone. Our family is complete.
Maybe, one day... you may feel there's room for one more - but if not, that's fine too - I believe what's meant to be, will be xx